TonyWatchesMovies Movie Review: X-Men Apocalypse: 4 out of 10

Well, here we are again. Another X-Men movie that completely fucks with the timeline. Seriously, can somebody decide what the events of the X-Men are? If you go into this movie having recently watched X, X2, or X-Men Last Stand you will only become more confused. I would have been happy if this was a completely different timeline that started from Days of Future Past, but they keep referencing stuff from the previous movies like they're intentionally trying to mess with me. WHY?!?! Just stop it already.

TonyWatchesMovies Score; 5 out of 10

Okay, I'm going to get the good stuff out of the way first. Spoilers, by the way. I was happy to see that Magneto had moved on with his life, even happier when that life was torn from him very violently at the hands of a fat Polish dude, which gave Magneto a reason to be an evil guy. In the previous movies, he was a bad guy because of the Holocaust, but if hating the Holocaust makes you evil then I guess we're all villains. Also, I enjoyed Wolverine in this movie (for like the 5 minutes we saw him), because he was back to being the blood-soaked rage monster we all know and love. Also, Quicksilver. That's all I needed to say.

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled TonyWatchesMovies Review; WHO THE HELL IS APOCALYPSE AND WHY IS HE A CHARACTER? His power set was confusing, he was a nightmare to look at and not in a good way, his reasons for destroying humanity are weak and overused, and on top of that, he can just GIVE more power to other mutants? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE'S A THING. I would have been fine with Magneto being a bad guy again just because I know him, this guy was just really weird and didn't seem to fit in the story.

The whole "people finding more power within themselves at the last minute" gag was cute when it was first used, but then Anime overused it and now it was just really stupid and boring to watch. I mean, that whole business with Jean Gray? Come on. Also, all you nerds out there, yes, I remember from the original movies that Jean Gray is basically an atomic bomb waiting to happen, but seriously? "Let go, Jean!" You guys all had to have sighed as hard as I did. Stupid cliché shit, we're tired of it.

Did Storm really come from Cairo? I wasn't so sure about that whole business, someone correct me if I'm wrong.

What was the whole business of mutant power transfer through the sun? I didn't understand any of that, how did it work? In ancient Egypt, Apocalypse had to have a different mutant transfer his soul or consciousness or whatever into the new vessel, and to do that he needed that weird pyramid thing on top of the MAIN pyramid (I know, confusing) to send the power down into the table to switch their brains around. But then suddenly he can just do it again in the modern age, by himself. HOW? I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE. Why did they make it so needlessly confusing? Can't we just have a bad guy pop out of a whole in the ground and say he wants to destroy society simply because he was bored? Where's that bad guy?

Anyways, DID NOT LIKE. I expected more from the X-Men, but just like with Days of Future Past, I was disappointed.

Cheers,

-TonyWatchesMovies