Tony's Waste-Of-Time Series: #Horror

Is #Horror what the old generation thinks of the new generation? If so, I can't believe how petty people think our generation is. Sure, we have a short attention span, social media is an easier way of communication than face to face interactions and for some reason our lives are so important they merit a facebook post every 10 minutes, but we aren't as superficial that the writers of #Horror believe we are. HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN I wanted to slap EACH AND EVERY CHARACTER in this movie. I didn't even care when people started slicing them up, in fact I was rather relieved because I wouldn't have to listen to their awful voices anymore.

First of all, you should only put #Horror as a title when there is any actual horror to be had. That was fucking whitebread in comparison to horror movies, I was more horrified during the Winnie the Pooh fever dream about honey. A scary movie has to be scary, a rule that modern movie developers seem to forget about, maybe their midnight cocain parties are warping their sense of terror. It certainly LOOKS like a cocain trip, they made these scenes where I guess it's supposed to be phone apps or something, but in reality it just looks like somebody turned up the contrast on a Japanese game show. Is that what people think we enjoy? Because it's not. It was incredibly stupid and made me hate the movie even more every time they did that, god knows why they kept those scenes in there at all. God knows why they kept ANY of the scenes in there, they should have taken all the copies and burned them in the back alley.

I hated every character. NO CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE WAS EVEN SLIGHTLY RELATEABLE AND I WAS HAPPY WHEN THEY DIED. In a slasher movie that's the thing you want the least, in my opinion. Even in Scream you wanted the main character to stay alive, even though she was kind of an airhead. Here, everybody was pretentious, self-absorbed, and cruel to each other. I would have found a way to get into the movie and killed them all myself if the murderer hadn't shown up, and frankly I was disappointed by his lack of creativity. I had thought of about a million horrifying ways to kill them a quarter of a way through the movie and he just goes with STABBING?!

I felt partway through this movie that this was the bastard son of Unfriended in the fact that they tried to have this revolve around social media because apparently that's all we care about, but Unfriended did it better, if you can call Unfriended better (I have a lot of other words to call Unfriended, but that's for another time). Unlike Unfriended, though, this movie believes that trolling comments online and likes on a picture of a girl dying are horrifying, not the actual, like, act of killing that is horrifying, and I think that the writers maybe are losing focus of what is actually scary out there. Sure, nobody likes getting attacked on social media, but if a guy in a mask approaches me with a gun, the hate comment that xXhal0dud3Xx posted will be at the bottom of my list well before I stop to message him back and call him a dickhead.

Ultimately, this movie was like the girls in it; empty and without substance.

Cheers,

-TonyWatchesMovies